Your Faith
Living Like a Lover
I remember when I first met Debra. I was captivated by her eyes, her smile, her heart… and her southern accent. She was (and is) beautiful and I was (and am) captivated. But I was a Jersey boy with long hair and ripped jeans and I said, “Yo wa’s up?” instead of, “Hey y’all!” I wasn’t the knight in shining armor she had imagined and while I was ready to jump into a serious relationship, she wasn’t quite as interested. We spent our first couple of months ministering side-by-side, reaching out to some Appalachian teenagers.
I remember sharing a pizza with her while watching the Mets lose to the Dodgers in the 1988 Pennant Race when I finally worked up enough nerve to ask her out. She wasn’t overly eager to move beyond our comfortable friendship, but we began to date. I became Mr. Creative in pursuit of her heart, creating “get to know you” games, mystery dates with themes and unusual locations… I was determined to win her heart. I was moving forward quickly and I knew that I wasn’t interested in continuing an endless dating relationship. I had “been there and done that” and I was ready to move toward marriage
That desire created a crisis in our relationship (primarily on her side) and we took a break to search our hearts. She wanted to seek God’s heart: was I the soul mate she’d dreamed about since childhood? Was I the man she would “forsake all others” for? I still vividly remember the day that God moved within Debra’s heart and she was ready to move with me beyond dating into a relationship of covenant love based upon commitment, faithfulness and trust.
Almost 20 years ago, that incredible Kentucky girl married this Jersey boy and we remain happily in a relationship – still based on commitment, faithfulness and trust. Our pledge has always been more than survival in marriage. We work hard to nurture our love, our friendship and passion. It’s a daily choice to honor our lifelong covenant.
It is necessary to move beyond dating into a serious covenant relationship spiritually as well. Our relationship with God can never survive an endless season of ‘when it feels good’ shallow commitment. One of the things the Bible makes clear to us is that Jesus came for lovers. He likens believers as His bride and He the groom. Not a date to a party. He came and pursued us and gave His life for us. Jesus gave everything for us because of His love and He has no interest in a casual dating relationship. Jesus is all about covenant love. In Matthew 13:44-46, Jesus makes it clear that God’s deepest and greatest desire is for us to love Him with all of our heart, and all of our soul, and all of our mind. This is way beyond a casual dating relationship – this is committing all that we are and all that we have to Him.
After His resurrection, Jesus had a heart-to-heart talk with Peter. Do you remember the penetrating question that Jesus kept asking Peter? It wasn’t a question of doctrine or lifestyle or even of belief. It was a question of the heart: Peter, do you love Me? (John 21) And Jesus made it clear that the kind of love He was looking for required commitment and sacrifice – not casual, feel-good dating that offers nothing beyond today.
On another occasion, Jesus had another heart-to-heart with His followers in the city of Ephesus. He shared with them some words of affirmation and encouragement, but then shared his heartache. Jesus said, “I have this against you, you have forsaken your first love,” and then Jesus urged them to reignite their passion for Him and to live, again, a life of love. (Rev 2:4)
So what’s this have to do with you and me today? Everything. Jesus is still all about committed lovers and still has no interest or tolerance with a casual dating relationship. But, what does that look like in today’s culture that seems to have lost the understanding of covenant love? When most marriages seem more like contractual dating relationships and don’t survive? When a huge number of children have never even attended a wedding?
Covenant is a constant choice to love – in spite of the absence of the “warm fuzzies” that come and go like a breeze; in spite of little annoyances and petty differences; in spite of the knowledge that our spouse is surprisingly human and flawed (like ourselves). It’s about grace in the midst of imperfection, offering and receiving forgiveness, holding on when everything seems to pull you apart. It’s rare, but it is possible. Deb and I live it everyday.
You see, lovers live differently. We rearrange our schedules to spend time with the one we love. We find out what pleases our lover and we do it. Thoughts about the one we love interrupt us all day long. Our lover becomes our priority and our passion. This is how God wants us to live in commitment to Him. This is how He lives in covenant love with us – He writes His love for us all through Scripture: “I have loved you with an everlasting love…” (Jeremiah 31:3)
How do we live as lovers? We can begin with John 14: “If you love Me you will obey Me and I will come and reveal myself to you.” We can search God’s word and apply it to our hearts. We can ask God to reveal Himself to us in the day-to-day.
Due to broken hearts from broken relationships, we often have a hard time accepting the love of God. The question of whether God loves us has been settled forever in Jesus – the groom who died so his bride (you) might live. The better question for us is: Do we love Him? 